It finally happened. I broke down for a minute at the box during my workout and then again afterwards and yet again when I got home. It was brutal, I was pissed at myself and I started to doubt. The WOD….was Filthy 50. The workout consisted of this:
- 50 Box Jumps (I did step ups)
- 50 Jumping Pull Ups
- 50 Kettlebell Swings
- 50 Walking Lunges
- 50 Knee to Elbows
- 50 Push Press with 35 pound bar
- 50 Back Extensions
- 50 Wall Balls
- 50 Burpees
- 50 Double Unders (I did singles which meant I had to do 150)
My time was about 40 minutes which I’m totally fine with. You may ask, ‘OK, why did you have a melt down?” Well allow me to walk you through my night.
I was feeling OK during the box jumps, jumping pull ups, kettlebell swings and walking lunges. Once it was time to do the knee to elbows was when my emotions started to take over. I was swinging too much during the pull ups so my coach had me alter them by using a box to assist. I would hang from the bar, pull my knees as high as I could get them and tap my toes on the box and repeat. This allowed me to have more focus on my lower abs which I am feeling today! Hanging from that pull up bar was killing my palms to the point they felt like they were on fire. I kept pushing though and finished all 50. Next, was the push press which I started out OK with but good Lord doing 50 of those suckers really sucked! I have a tendency to not explode enough from my hips and use my arms too much so that is definitely something that I need to work on.
By the time I got to the back extensions I was spent and was honestly ready to toss in the towel. I buried my head into my hands and started to cry. I did not see this coming…I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I had to let them out. My coach came over to me and whispered in my ear ‘those aren’t back extensions’….I looked at him and it dawned on him that I was upset. I explained how recently I have been feeling like instead of getting better, I’m actually getting worse. He assured me that I wasn’t and that this is a very difficult WOD. He encouraged me to get back at it so I listened. I finished the back extensions, walls balls, burpees without complaining.
The last and final component of this WOD was the 50 doubles. Like I said, I do singles so I did my 50. I another member of the box saw that I was about ready to fall over so started to cheer me on. I said ‘I got my 50.’ He replied with ‘OK, you only have 100 more.’ I said ‘uh?’ He explained that since I was doing singles I had to do 150….I was so taken back with this that I yelled ‘OH F**K NO!’. Everyone in the box started laughing which made me laugh but deep inside I wanted to cry and just let this WOD defeat me. Instead they cheered me on, a fellow member counted for me and I pumped them out. I then sat on a box and cried yet again.
You have to realize, that all of this crying was not planned and was pissing me off on top of everything else I was feeling. I’m a tough girl when it comes to my fitness and I push through because I WANT those results that I’m after. But last night, I kept having this mental block and kept thinking I’m not where I want to be. I allowed myself to have my 5 minute pity party, then I put my ‘big girl panties’ back on and decided this: No matter where we are in our fitness journey, we started it. No matter how long it takes us to our goal, each day we workout and make smart eating choices we are one step closer to reaching that goal. It doesn’t matter if you have a workout partner, does it make it easier? Sure, but they can’t do the work for us. Ultimately it’s up to us to determine if we are going to let our emotions tell us what we can’t do.
I don’t know about you but I REFUSE to give in and give up on my dream. This was a ‘bump’ in the road that I had to get over and I’m sure there will be a lot more. I also know that I’m smaller and stronger from when I started so I am closer to my goal. My question for you is this….are you going to wait until you have a partner, the New Year or until you have the money to start your fitness journey. If you want it bad enough, you WILL find a way to make it happen and you WILL achieve greatness. I PROMISE YOU! Start today and start making your dream a reality.